“Being a man isn’t about not crying or never showing fear. It’s about being brave enough to be yourself, even if that self wants to cry at movies or is scared of spiders. And remember, real men wear pink, especially if it’s because they accidentally washed their whites with a red sock.”
— Barddad
Hey son, I hope this letter finds you well,
In the past, we’ve had the chat about what it means to grow up, to be responsible. Now I think its time to talk about what it really means to be a man in this wild world. Spoiler alert: it’s not about how much you can bench press or how stoic you can be.
Bravehearting Your Bare Self
I know in a sometime WOKE world, the term being brave is miss labeled, as finding yourself or pushing your agenda on others — nothing could be further from the truth.
First off, being a man is about bravery, but not the kind you see in action movies where the hero never flinches or somehow heals before the next scene. Real bravery is about being yourself, unapologetically. If you’re short or tall, dyslexic, or a word-smith or a Dyslexic Word-Smith, it doesn’t matter, be yourself without apologizing. If you like romantic comedies? Own it. If you get teary-eyed at the end of the movie Shrek? That’s fine too, those movies are emotional landmines, even for me. If you love football or doing donuts in golf carts, eat extra hot chicken wings or love Doritos — that’s who you are, don’t let anyone try to convince you that you’re wrong. I’m not saying don’t take advice, I’m saying don’t let people with their own agendas take you off yours.
Embrace Your Fears, or as the “Da” put it: Play Hide and Shriek
Turn your fears into a game. Count to ten, and when you find them, scream for joy instead of terror.
Now, about those spiders. Here’s the thing, everyone’s got something that gives them the heebie-jeebies. Being a man doesn’t mean you’re not scared of anything; it means you face your fears. Every so often, that means coexisting with a spider because, let’s be honest, they’re more scared of you… probably. And if you can’t, there’s no shame in calling for backup. Remember, even superheroes have sidekicks.
I get it, Trauma is Terrifying, and I’m not saying that you won’t have awful things happen in your life. I’m just saying there are ways to deal with it that don’t involve years of therapy and constantly mentioning it in conversation. Use the trauma as a tool to become a stronger person, and maybe teach others to overcome their terrors.
NOTE: There is a system promoted by Tony Robbins, the giant of motivational speaking, where you can use a technique called NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) to help reduce or replace those traumatic memories. Check it out here.
Crying is Not Crying Wolf
Let’s get something straight: crying is human. It’s like the body’s way of saying, “Hey, too much has happened, let’s reset.” If you feel like crying, whether it’s because of a movie, a tough day, or because you stubbed your toe on the corner of the coffee table, let it out. It doesn’t make you less of a man; it makes you more of a person. Not to say you can’t be tough, but you don’t have to be the Marlboro man, and let’s not forget, all of those guys died of lung cancer. Just because something is trendy doesn’t mean it’s right. Having feelings and emotions is what will make you a great father and a great husband.
The Myth of the Stoic Man
There’s this old-school thought that men should be like rocks: unmovable, unemotional. But rocks don’t grow, they just get weathered down. You, my son, are meant to grow, change, and show what you feel. Expressing emotions isn’t just healthy; it’s strong. It shows you’re in tune with yourself, which is way cooler than pretending to be an emotionless statue. Even the toughest of tough men can be the softest of soft fathers. Being an emotional teddy bear is the coolest thing about being a man.
Your Interests Define You, Not Society
Whether you’re into ballet or boxing, video games or gardening, your interests make you, you. There’s no ‘manly’ hobby. If it makes you happy, dive in. Society’s definition of what’s ‘manly’ changes like the weather. Your definition? That’s for life. For example, I like to write letters to my sons and post them on BardDad.com, and I feel as Manly as it gets. But if you judge me as a wimp, so be it, society does not define me. I do.
In Conclusion, I want the most for you, but you Be You
So, here’s the deal: being a man is about integrity, kindness, and yes, bravery. But it’s the bravery to be who you are, not who the world tells you to be. Cry at movies, scream at spiders, laugh loudly, love deeply, and live authentically. That’s what makes you not just a man, but a great person.
And remember, if you ever need to talk, or if there’s a spider situation, I’m here. Not just as your dad, but as someone who’s still figuring out this whole ‘being yourself’ business too.
Catch you later, champ. Keep being awesomely you.
And as always, I love you……..
Kevin B Leigh — The Bard Dad
